Deanna is taking a temporary hiatus from mentoring right now and I completely understand.

If one does not appreciate or see the value in this type of relationship; it can easily turn abusive. Not in a physical way mind you. But the lack of respect or casual approach can get to be too much and you wind up ending the relationship. Do this often enough and you too will need a temporary hiatus. Giving and pouring of oneself may look effortless but it’s anything but. And mind you mentors don’t get paid…coaches do. Maybe that’s the issue…because people aren’t coming out of pocket for this invaluable resource they treat as though it has no value. Not everyone does this but a good number do.

I was chatting with a fellow business owner and was relieved to hear her say that she too was looking for a mentor. We have very good  peer-to-peer relationships but mentorship is what we need for those next levels. We know full well that we do not have to reinvent the wheel and a good mentor will guide you, make you aware and stretch you. Good mentors are already experiencing success so they’re not intimidated and aren’t out to sabotage or dispense bogus information.

But this type of mentoring usually stems from existing relationships. We started naming people we’d love to glean from but none of them had an open call for mentees on their Web sites.

So until those relationships are revealed we keep sharing, we keep reading and most important we keep praying and seeking Holy Spirit’s wisdom.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Mine not yours

Earlier this year I declared that I would have fruit!

I was tired of planting gardens and coming up with nothing.

Well this year has been amazing!

Our vegetable garden is growing. Our tomato plants are flowering and the bell peppers finally hit a growth spurt!

The collards were the first to grow but now I see where there is growth…where there is fruit there are pests.

I have no idea where these little green worm/caterpillar things came from. Never saw them in my yard before. They kind of showed up when the fruit showed up. So now I’m picking the unwanted intruders off my plants. I did some research and discovered that salt is a natural pesticide. I’ve sprinkled the infected area and will even add a few egg shells so that we are the only ones feasting!

I’m confident my garden is revealing a truth.

I know for certain some seed never makes it to this point…birds eat it or young plants die from the heat of the sun and lack of water.

Now, when you do get fruit watch out for the pests.

Enjoy the week everyone!

Patience was the topic for day 11 and there nestled in the first paragraph was the sentence that stopped me cold.

“I find myself guilty of this (entering the rat race) when I forsake my spiritual and familial responsibilities because of the deadlines and the goals I think I have to meet, only to find myself never catching up and losing my internal balance.” – Patrice Tsague

This is not the first time I’ve heard this nor is it a new truth and still it resonated within me. It was the part about the deadline and goals that “I think have to meet” that stood out. I call it self-imposed lunacy. Entrepreneurs can work themselves into the ground because of these self-imposed deadlines and goals.

If you’ve watched the new reality TV show about Mary Mary, I most identify with the Erica…the workaholic. The one who pushes herself because of these self-imposed deadlines. In one episode she confesses to her mom that she pushes so hard is because she watched her mom fight and struggle. It’s a pressure we apply that sends us to the extreme to do better, be better, get better and even give better.

I recently put a ban on self-imposed lunacy and have chosen God-ordained peace and sanity. You know like Mary who chose the better part.

The devotional on patience was a timely reminder to not outpace God.

To do what He’s asked and to stop tripping!

To stop trying to pry open doors and simply walk through the ones He has opened.

Yes, successful entrepreneurs are ambitious, hardworking, and actively setting and achieving goals. But all of that has to be tempered with patience that must have her perfect work in the life of the believer commissioned to marketplace ministry.

Everything was new to him and it all frightened him.

Car rides terrified him.

Other dogs scared him.

Sleeping in his crate made him nervous.

Small dogs really scared him.

Passing cars scared him.

But now, Kobe is older and bigger and things that scared just a few months ago almost seem to now bore him. Especially passing cars and car rides.

He even has a big dog bark that he displays whenever the doorbell rings (even the one on TV) but never outside our home’s four walls.

Where there is a positive, loving and nurturing environment growth and maturity happens.

With great parents, teachers, counselors, mentors, coaches, and pastors guiding us we can grow and overcome our fears. Because we reassured Kobe, made him face his fears and developed good habits Kobe is the 48.8 pound playful, well socialized puppy he is today. Still working on that jumping on people thing but we’ll get there. Fear has turned into inquisitiveness. Now everything can be explored because fear is no longer an option. That’s more work for me and my beloved because now we have a dog who thinks cars should move for him instead of the other way around.

Today, thank God for those in your life who help(ed) you walk out 2 Timothy 1: 7, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Thank God for not being scared anymore.

Faith over fear every time.

Entrepreneurs, corporations, nonprofit organizations, churches, even bloggers all desire to be sticky.

I’ll explain.

We typically describe Websites according to their stickiness; their ability to attract and retain site visitors.

The longer visitors stay on a site, high numbers of repeat visitors speak of an extremely sticky site and that is the goal–high stick-ablity.  You want a site that engages, entertains and informs; if you do this well you have a sticky site.

I thought about this and told the Lord, I want to be sticky for Him.

Not sticky to draw people to myself or amass some great following but sticky  so I can point people to Him.

What makes one sticky then?

• Self-denial – Jesus told all who asked that He didn’t come in His own name. He didn’t come representing Himself. He was there to promote the family business…carry out the orders of His Father, the CEO. The bible says He didn’t even bother to make Himself a reputation even though He had one due to His obedience and self-denial. Holy Spirit doesn’t even speak of Himself; instead He points all to Christ. Paul said it’s not me, but the Christ in me. Self-denial increases stickiness.
• Love – Grandma was right when she said you can draw more flies with honey than vinegar. Love draws. Jesus said they would know the disciples by the love they showed to ONE ANOTHER. Showing the love of Christ then makes us sticky. I remember when we were out praying for folk in neighboring apartment buildings, one guy was really touched by our being there. He said it was a good thing because, “wasn’t no love in these streets.”
• Confidence/Power/Authority – Peter exhibited a great deal of confidence, power and authority post Jesus’ resurrection and ascension. He preached what is arguably the greatest message in Acts chapter 2 resulting in 3,000 new Christians being added to the church. That’s pretty sticky. When Jesus taught, the people responded that they’d never heard somebody speak like Him before. He spoke as one who had authority and that made Him and His message sticky. Power is attractive and coveted by many so it’s very important that Christians understand that it’s His power in the first place and ought to be used in a way that brings Him honor.

So I’m sticky when I deny myself…give myself wholly to the Family Business, love like He loves and walk in the power and authority He gave me.

Lord, help us to be sticky.

What's Growing in the Pots? Tomatoes, Bell Peppers, Collards and Strawberries

I can’t believe it’s been three years since we attempted to grow a vegetable garden. We were working the land and had big hopes of eating the fruit of our labor.

No such thing happened.

And this was our third attempt at growing veggies.

We grew a single watermelon lots of years ago that ended up being probably a third the size of a football.

We even grew a small single ear of corn.

We’ve cleared ground space, tried growing in pots all to no avail.

Somehow I’m not deterred by any of the past crop failures.

This Spring I said I would try it again and I declare that we will eat the fruit of our labor.

There will be a harvest!

I’m not playing!

We started everything from seeds and the transplant to larger pots went well.

I was so happy to see growth I forgot there are enemies to my garden.

Someone is enjoying my collards and its not me…yet.

So today I’ll look up natural remedies to make my veggies less tasty to bugs so we can enjoy our harvest in a few months.

I’m not playing.

We will have a harvest.

There will be fruit!

I’m even growing a herb garden in the kitchen and there will be basil, chives and parsley!

The days of reaping little after hard labor and seed sowing are done!

This summer, we eat from the abundance of our labor.

So I’m not kidding when I say clutter makes me nervous!

Not only physical clutter but emotional clutter has the same affect.

Things that get pushed under the proverbial carpet impact our mental well-being.

The lump never goes away and it’s amazing how that thing grows underneath the carpet. Without air and water the lump grows!

I had a mess to clean up recently. It wasn’t mine originally but through a series of transactions, I inherited it.

This was going to be a costly  clean up.

Waiting and hoping the issue would resolve itself never happened.

This thing grew, even left unattended for years, it still grew.

Hubby and I lifted the carpet and removed the lump and sure enough my mood has improved and I think there’s even less muscle tension. As a matter of fact I’m sure of it.

When you’re tempted to sweep things under the carpet….don’t.

You’ll save time, money, and keep your peace of mind.

Go ahead and declutter your space today.

It’s not always easy and the task isn’t always pleasant but the end result is an environment in which you can thrive.

If we look at 1 Corinthians 13, love is pretty amazing.

Love is kind, it’s patient, doesn’t assume the worst.

This all of course is true.

Love is all these things.

But for those in difficult or strained relationships you ask yourself how in the world do you show love to this person?

How do you love the unloveable?

How do you handle those awkward relationships?

As we approach Resurrection Sunday, I think of how Jesus showed love by keeping his mouth shut.

The prophet Isaiah said he (Jesus) was like a sheep being led to slaughter and didn’t say a word.

He was asked tons of questions days leading up to His crucifixion and at some point Jesus grew quiet. He no longer responded.

Now that’s love.

Because Jesus could have called for angelic backup at any time.

But He didn’t.

Jesus had options but He chose to be obedient so He kept quiet.

Love is knowing you have options like:

• Cursing people out
• Busting the windows out their car
• Spreading rumors
• Overall making their life miserable
• Shaming and humiliating
• Calling up some friends who know people

Love is knowing you have these options but you exercise restraint.

I’m showing love because my lips are sealed and your car still works.

Love isn’t always this grand display of affection; sometimes it’s as simple as keeping quiet.

Scripture references
Isaiah 53:7
Matthew 4:6
Luke 23:8-10

And my husband will attest to the fact that I have feelings.

Lots of them.

And being a female somewhere in her 40s means those feelings at times can be all over the place.

There’s no escaping them.

But the one place a female’s feelings can’t help her is in regard to her faith. Side note here…they don’t benefit men  in their faith walks either…just thought you should know.

Faith asks you to void how you feel and act anyway.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Walking by faith then is something the Spirit of God works through the believer by hearing the Word of God. We’re told that without this faith, we can’t please God and that just folk walk by faith; not by what they see.

Gideon has to be one of my favorite people in scripture because he’s no different from many believers today.

Called to do something big for God and feeling scared and incompetent.

His instructions were to tear down his father’s pagan altar.

I would describe Gideon’s initial feelings at such a request as sheer terror.

But he was obedient, acted in faith and tore down his father’s altar.

He did it under the cover of darkness but then again God’s instructions didn’t say do it in broad daylight either; He just said tear it down.

This is why I love Gideon’s story; I can totally relate!

Gideon couldn’t let fear keep him from being obedient and walking in faith.

Did he know what the response would be for his seemingly rebellious action? No, but more than likely he thought it would go bad for him.

Did he trust God anyway? Yes.

Some feelings will keep you from pleasing God and walking in faith.

You may be feeling tired or lazy and have no desire to fast, or pray or study. You may not even feel like going to church or bible study. There may even be days when you don’t feel like forgiving or loving the unloveable. And there will certainly be days when you don’t feel like being the wife, mother, husband, father, single person, employee, minister, business owner or student He’s called you to be either.

But if you’re going to walk by faith, you’ll do all those things because He said so.

And honestly sometimes our feelings are so all over the place, it’s encouraging to know that Holy Spirit empowers us to do despite how we feel. We can release our feelings to Him and function by His Spirit and do things we may not have ordinarily been able to do.

Faith should override our negative feelings every time.

Because we walk by faith and not by sight.

Blessings everyone!

The blessing (yes I’m calling it a blessing) of being female is the ability to experience so many feelings.

David through divine inspiration penned the words that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

That includes the female and her feelings.

Men, stop rolling your eyes!

We know full well that feelings are not always rationale.

But husbands love it when their wives are feeling romantic and appreciate those feelings. It’s the feelings that have females upset, in tears or feeling insecure that men usually have a hard time dealing with.

I learned that before anyone…man or woman…can feel anything…you first play a story in your head and the feelings are based on that quick story you just told yourself. The theory is that if you control the story you tell yourself, you can control your feelings and surprisingly this does work. The key is to catch yourself in the middle of an adverse story and change it.

That still doesn’t negate the fact that God created females to be emotional creatures with an amazing ability to express themselves and all that emotion and expression is tied to feelings.

This is the exact opposite of how most men are wired. Men are typically thinkers and problem solvers. There are tons of books out there that talk about our differences. The most recent talks about the love languages men and women have and how they are radically different.

Being in a relationship means that both the male and the female must make adjustments. This calls for communication and compromise. Because we’re wired differently and you vowed till death do us part, compromise is going to be key. Both need to have their needs met. Women need feelings expressed and men need sex and loving affirmation.

I stumbled across this quote from someone named Zap ( you can read the whole article here):

We’ve all been in this situation where we think we’re helping, but somehow we say the wrong thing and it does her no good. The key is that when she opens up to you and tells you her FEELINGS you mustn’t rationalize! Rationalizing a woman’s feelings makes her feel that you don’t understand her and you don’t understand her feelings.

It can also make her feel inferior, and bad for letting her emotions get out of control. Just listen to what she says and sympathize and really pay attention to her feelings, and know they are feelings and have no rational basis and you can’t get her to think her way out of them.

Somebody give Zap a hand for figuring it out.

I couldn’t agree more with his statement that rationalizing a woman’s feelings can lead her to feel inferior and guarded.

A woman who doesn’t trust you with her feelings won’t trust you with much else.

You may get part of her but you won’t have all of her.

And all of her includes feelings that sometimes get messy and don’t make sense.

But those feelings also allow her to be passionate and loving and caring. Those feelings are part of what makes her a good wife, mother and friend.

You can’t separate the package.

It’s all or nothing.

If you have a woman that trusts you with her feelings, you will have an ally, a friend, a ride or die and lover for life.